Finally I am back on track, I went off for a while there as you may have guessed and over that time I have managed to put on 2 kilos, which considering what I have eaten and drunk is pretty damn good.

I find I really have to be in "the zone" to do this, if my head is not in the right space then I simply will fail in my attempts, and of course every time I do fail, it puts me back into that bad head space again.

Today I feel good, today I am back to where I was a couple of months ago and am rearing to go. I woke this morning in this frame of mind and I recognised it straight away which is a good thing! I am starting to understand my body a bit more and I definitely go through a cycle, for about a week of every month I go through a phase of eating, all I want to do is eat, I crave food like you would not believe and dear god it is a struggle to fight it, I used to just give in and do it, but I am learning to get through it, fruit is a god send, instead of picking up chips, or biscuits or some other crap, I eat fruit, a lot of fruit admittedly but it is still better than what I used to do.

Anyway I went to my doctor today, and I have to say my doctor is such an inspiration, he used to be a massive man, he was very, very overweight, he has lost well over 100 kilos and  I did wonder if he had done it through surgery, today he told me he had done it on his own, he did weight watchers and he exercised, he said to start with walking halfway around the local park used to damn near kill him, now he runs 10kms for fun!! He said it was a constant battle he would do well then he would plateau, put weight on, get down about, and start again, it took him 3 1/2 years and he still struggles with it every day, but he did it, he got there, he told me if I lost 10 kilos then put on 5, not to worry I had still lost 5, not to worry about the gain just to focus on the loss, he was fantastic to talk to and definitely gave me a kick up the ass!

So onwards and upwards people. However I do want to point out that if I could just grow a few more feet none of this would be necessary

Wow, it has been over a month, a very, very busy month, I met my half brother which was truly awesome, he is almost as cool as me and I adore him, it was a truly wonderful experience and I am so pleased I got the opportunity to get to know him. However the alcohol consumed, the late nights and the crap food certainly did not help with the weight loss!!
Whilst he was here I also got to not only speak to my birth mother, but to see her on skype as well, which is really cool and one day this technophobe may just learn how to use skype myself!
Weight loss you say,  that is what this blog is about after all, meah we will discuss that one later!!
 The cakes are going really, really well, we have found a shop and fingers crossed this one pans out,but we shall see!
I would most like  to talk about a friend of mine, her husband died a year ago in truly tragic circumstances, and over this year I am very grateful to have had the opportunity to get to know her, and her beautiful children! She doesn't like people telling her she is amazing as she says she is simply someone dealing with the hand the world has dealt her, but here she is wrong, very, very wrong in fact. It is not what she deals with that makes her  amazing, or how well she copes, it is quite simply who she is, she is a beautiful person with a lovely personality, a wicked sense of humour and a smile that lights up the room. And I am very grateful to be able to call her a friend!!
Anyhow, back to the weight, well it is still there, a little bit more than was there before but that is to be expected with the life I have led in the last month!! I am however trying very hard to get back on track, which is a little harder this time, I will however do it, as I quite simply do not want to be this fat person anymore

It has been a while!!

I have been so blimmin busy!! Not an excuse really, but I figure if I say I have been too busy to blog then people might think I lead an exciting life!!

So 8 kilos down now, things are going well, I am no longer struggling, though I will confess to having my largest point overload ever last weekend, I didn't even have that much but it goes to show how easy it is to overeat, and goes a long way to explaining how I got this way in the first place!! **whispers** I ate 97 points in one day!!
 The funniest thing about that is I just leaned right in to the keyboard to type **whispers** duh!!

Anyhow I will now let you know the actual numbers as disturbing as they may be - I started this journey at 148.4 kilos, tragic when your weight is only three digits off a phone number!! I am now sitting at 140.4 exactly so first goal is about to be achieved, which  is getting below 140, next step 130!!

Tonight I ate a crumpy burger which for those of you plebs that do not have the joy of living in west auckland, is the best takeaways in the history of the world. Dear god their burgers are like slices of heaven. I feel a little sad that now I can barely get through a burger, don't get me wrong I got through it, there is no way in hell I am leaving one of those puppies on my  plate! However I can no longer finish my meal with a giant cheese and onion ball or even a couple of chips - What have I become???

I wonder sometimes why we let the people in our lives that we adore go. Years ago I had a very dear friend, a man who I absolutely adored and was very special to me, I remember having a conversation with him about what he was going to wear as my bridesmaid!! I caught up with him today, it is the second time in recent weeks, and I find myself thinking why did I allow him to leave my life for so long??
I moved away at the height of our friendship, and he started a relationship with a woman who was to end up his wife. When I came back everything was different I disliked his new woman rather a lot, I met my first husband and our friendship pretty much just got pushed aside in favour of partners.
Recently we have gotten back in touch thanks in part to facebook, he has left the witch and is with the most amazing woman who really has his back,  and all of a sudden he is back and I still adore him, sitting here thinking about it, I find it sad that we do this, that friends who have played huge roles in our lives suddenly take a back seat to our partners and along the way just get lost in the whirlwind.

Anyhow enough deep and meaningfuls, I am better, cravings gone, I survived!!! Bring it on again you tempting food bitches, I am better than you and I totally kicked your fat causing ass!!!

Today I have made a decision, today I decided I am no longer doing the shop, I am going to rent a commercial kitchen on an hourly basis am going to spend money on a wicked website and run my business on the internet. I just cannot bring myself to spend the money, it is simply too much and too big a risk to take.
I love that my husband has such complete faith in me and is willing to risk everything, but I just simply do not have the same faith, not yet anyway. I am giving myself 6 months to build it up enough to justify a shop, and I have to say this decision has lifted a great weight off my shoulders so I know it is the right one!!

Still struggling, quite badly in fact!!! I am still okay however, even went through mcdonalds drive through today and resisted, though I  have to admit the temptation to lick the leftovers off my childrens face was almost intolerable!! In fact the smallest one was almost completely edible!
I scrubbed out their carseats and had to physically stop myself eating the leftover chips in the bottom of them!
I am not sure what is causing this, but I wish it would go away, I am just thankful that fruit is free points so I have something I can eat to kill the cravings.
I am constantly hungry and nothing I eat is fixing it arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!

So today I am struggling, yesturday I spent the afternoon selling cupcakes, ironically most of them were made by my competition!! I then had friends over for dinner and ended up eating too much and today I am struggling to not do it again!
On a good note I donated a cake to the auction (fundraising for chch) and it sold for $110 which is awesome, even awesomer is that it was the deputy mayor of Auckland who bought it, who then met me and thanked me in person!!
So those of you out west get your butts down to the falls restaurant, they do awesome food and are well worth a visit they put on a fantastic day yesturday.
Tomorrow is another day I will be feeling better then and food simply will not be an issue 

It has been a while!!

I am doing really well still, weight watchers rocks it is so blimmin easy!!
Today I had a colonoscan, it was fantastic, amazing, brilliant!!! Why?? Because it was not a colonoscopy!!!! You have no idea how excited I was when I discovered that, the difference you may ask??

The difference is really quite simple - one is an enormous 10foot long, six foot wide tube with a lifesize video camera on the end that is unceremoniously inserted in a place that should never ever have things inserted in it.

The other - a tiny eensy, weensy barely visible to the naked eye tube that although it goes in the same place you would not know of it's existence if they did not tell you it was there. They fill your bowel up with carbon dioxide which although uncomfortable is very tolerable, they shove you through a ct scan and all is done!

God bless that beautiful doctor that decided I needed the latter!!

I have to say the cleaning out process the day  before was not too terrible either - I was so tempted to do a weigh in this morning cause I reckon I lost at least 10 kilos during the night!!

Enough about my backside and on to the more pleasurable things in life - the other day I ate a deluxe cheeseburger and dear god it was like a little slice of heaven, how I miss those things, not having them everyday is really hard to bare, but that is my first and saviour it I did! I also drunk a woodie today, once again a first! And pretty much the same reaction as the cheeseburger, it  was so damn good, I figured I could justify one since I ate nothing at all yesturday!!!

I am super duper excited, my brother is coming to New Zealand!!! I am adopted and my birth mother and family live in Canada so this will be the first time we have met in person and I can't wait!!  I have to say I do love facebook because without it I would never have had the opportunity to get to know him and my sister, so it does have it's good points!